The Dwarves

The Dwarves in Flagon’s realm are sort of inept.  That’s kind of like saying water is sort of wet.

Standard fantasy dwarves are usually hardworking and industrious, laboring as either magical blacksmiths or mystical miners.  These guys labor as little as possible, and often with negative results when they do bother.

The mining types have a fondness for explosives and have no idea how to use them properly.  Happily they also have the Wile E. Coyote trait of being virtually indestructible.  Or unhappily, it depends on whether you have to put up with them.

In keeping with Disney tradition, most of them have names reflecting their personalities for easy reference.  There will be an ever-growing list of them (around 12 anyway), but here are the first eight.  I’ll add new ones here when they show up.


Greedy is, at least in his own mind, the leader of the dwarves.  To be a leader requires ambition, and Greedy has that.  Most of the others don’t.  Unfortunately most of Greedy’s ambitions centers around acquiring things that do not belong to him, usually without the owner’s consent,  selling them to somebody else, then splitting the scene before anybody is the wiser.

That woodland glade is he is trying to push for example is certainly enchanted and beautiful, and just as certainly not his to sell.  Once he’s got your gold though, it’s up to you to argue with the Elves who also believe they own it, and probably have the legal deed.

Greedy also enjoys a good get-rich-quick scheme as long as he is the one getting rich.  He knows just enough about magic and incantations to make a buck off it.

His good point, if you can call it that, is that he doesn’t intentionally cause harm, you don’t have to worry about your health around him, just your wallet.  Unless of course he has lined up a buyer for your kidneys.


Nefarious is the one you need to watch yourself around.  While not technically evil, he has a fondness for watching controlled chaos.  If anybody gives Ditsy access to explosives it’s usually him.

Nefarious is probably the smartest of the dwarves, he has a good repertoire of arcane mystical skills, and is quite at home with magic in various shades of grey.  When Greedy’s plans screw up as they usually do, it is Nefarious who saves his bacon.

On the other hand, if Greedy does come up with a buyer for your kidney’s, it was probably Nefarious who pointed out how much they were worth to him.


Ditsy hails from Southern California, and when he had hair, it was blonde.  Nobody knows how he managed to get as old as he is, except for the fore-mentioned fact that dwarves are virtually indestructible.

Ditsy has all the negatives of Lazy except he doesn’t sleep (the other dwarves really wish he would), and he can’t blame anything on drinking because he doesn’t.  It’s all natural born stupidity with him.

While the other dwarves are wise enough to not let him anywhere near explosives if they are aware of them, Ditsy usually finds a way to wreck havoc with whatever tools are available.

Ditsy was the one that steered the Titanic, piloted the Hindenburg, and put the Lantern in the barn with Mrs. O’Leary’s cow.  He gets around.


Lazy, well is just that, and maybe a little more.  He doesn’t like work, and work likes him even less.  If he actually attempts to do something it is usually a disaster.  Lazy can usually be found dozing off, and the other dwarves, while maybe a bit dim-witted, are smart enough to let him sleep since he generally creates less trouble that way.

Regrettably he does wake up from time to time, and usually at that point all hell breaks loose.

While Lazy is not the bluntest crayon in the pack (that title belongs to Ditsy), he makes up for it by usually waking up in a drunken stupor, raising havoc, and then falling back to sleep again from the effort, blissfully ignorant of the chaos he just created.


Salty has a lot of things in common with sailors, the most obvious of which is  he $^#@ing talks like them.  All the time.  Closest in nature to “Grumpy” of Mouse Fame, he is a natural curmudgeon, always thinking the worst of the situation.  With the crew he is dealing with, he’s usually right, and to be fair, it is pretty easy to get annoyed with Lazy and Ditsy around.

In fact, Flagon usually sides with him, particularly when his ire is pointed at those two.

Aside from that, Salty is usually competent, particularly at matters of the Sea.  He can generally be found helping out Bogie, who is the dwarf best suited to actually completing a task successfully.


Bogey is the most technically competent of the dwarves, and knows his way around mechanical equipment.  If you want to entertain the faintest of a glimmer of a hope that a job you give the dwarves will be handled correctly, give it to Bogey.  As long as one of the others does not offer to “help” he can generally be counted on to get it done.

Bogey is a follower though, not a leader, and needs motivation.  You’ll generally find him on the golf course if you leave him on his own.  Regrettably since golfing doesn’t require machinery, he isn’t the best golfer on record, and sometimes can lead you to sections of a golf course nobody knew existed when searching for a lost ball.


Tiny is considered a rather odd duck by his brother dwarves, who, while slow on the uptake, aren’t quite that slow.  “Tiny” of course is just a nickname, Mrs. Dwarf named him after his father “The Milkman”.

Tiny means well, but is not terribly bright, though saved from the “dumbest dwarf” label by the tag-team effort of Lazy and Ditsy.

The other dwarves generally give him tasks nobody else wants to be bothered to do like “guard duty”,  jobs he takes without any complaint or sign of aptitude.  While he doesn’t specifically do anything to screw up a task he is assigned they generally manage to have negative results anyway.


Hey, somebody has to be a warrior, and in this case it’s Zwen.  Zwen has a good idea of his limitations, which are numerous, and his strengths, which are few.  His conquests in battle are legendary though mostly he battles small furry rodents and hair lice.  He fairs better against the small furry rodents, being able to best a door mouse two rounds out of three.

He’s always up for a quest though, and tries to make himself neither obnoxious or expendable.


Dwarves do come in female flavors, and while Heinette is no Smufette she holds her own.  In general she hangs around long enough to let the guys know just how worthless they are, which isn’t the most demanding of tasks.

She generally tries not to get herself involved too deeply in Greedy’s schemes because frankly she is better at it than he is.

Leave a reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.